By Brenda Hopf
Connecting Faith and Life
When I was around 10 years old, I remember being envious of my brother because Dad took him frog hunting. My brother was a year and a half younger than me, so for the life of me I could not understand why he took him instead of me. I felt I was missing out, so I approached Dad and begged him to take me rather than my brother and he did.
A few factors played into this being my first — and last — time frog hunting: it was dark, other than the light from a flashlight; the pond was in the middle of a cattle field; I could barely see over the weeds; I saw several snakes in the water; I dropped the bag of frogs; oh, and did I mention, it was dark. I learned a lesson from my “fear of missing out”— doing what someone else is doing may not always be desirable and could very well have consequences. I definitely should have asked some questions and took a little time to think about it.
I was recently reminded of this concept of the “fear of missing out” as I was reading Matthew Kelly’s book, “33 Days to Eucharistic Glory.” Kelly says, “One of the biggest traps a pilgrim can fall into is FOMO — Fear of Missing Out. Driven by the psychological nonsense of FOMO, many people make the worst decisions of their lives.”
Wow. I paused and read that several times as I tried to wrap my head around such a profound statement. As I thought about the choices I make each day, I realized how true this is and just how much I am driven by this nonsense. If we are honest, the “fear of missing out” plays a major role in many of the decisions we make each day. We are so driven by our fear of missing out that we make the same mistake I did before embarking on that frog hunting adventure with my dad. I based my choice on the fear of missing out and did not consider the consequences.
The fear of missing out is fueled by excuses we make for ourselves because we believe it is the right thing to do because everyone else is doing it. Somewhere along the line we’ve gotten the idea that if everyone else is doing it, it makes our choice less wrong. We make bad choices for ourselves and our children based on this nonsensical fear of missing out. As we feel the pressure to make quick decisions the FOMO beast consumes us faster than a fire fueled by gasoline.
While my story about frog hunting was not the worst decision of my life, it definitely was not a good choice for me. Decisions that are based on the “fear of missing out” could negatively impact us and our families unless we take the time to discern the long-term consequences. We should consider if what we are doing because of the fear of missing out is leading us away from God or toward God? Are our fear-driven decisions luring us away from our faith community or strengthening our bond? Are our thoughts and actions self-centered or Christ-centered? Have we ever skipped communal worship on Sunday because we want to do something else because of the fear of missing out?
According to Matthew Kelly, “The only things that matter are those that God has chosen for you. It is preferable to miss out on everything else. Doing the will of God transforms FOMO into JOMO — the Joy of Missing Out.”
This transformation from “fear-driven” choices to “joy-filled” choices will take a lot of discipline. It is going to make us feel a bit uncomfortable to free ourselves from this trap as we set aside the distractions and temptations of this world. If we resolve to set our sights on only those things that keep us on the path to our eternal home in heaven, then one day we will be able to celebrate forever the JOMO — the joy of missing out on all those things that could have led us away from God.
Brenda Hopf is a member of Divine Mercy Parish.