By Maria Sermersheim
Meditatione Ignis
We have fooled ourselves into believing that we have far more control in this life than we actually do. I’m convinced that this grasping for control is the cause of half of our worries, and unfortunately, we reinforce our false impression of control through many daily activities.
An example that struck me with particular force recently was my need for control over the radio. I have grown very attached to my control over music in the car; I now pay for Spotify, I rarely listen to the radio anymore, and I make good use of the “skip” button when a song I don’t prefer at the moment begins to play. These practices are a massive shift from just two years ago, when I adamantly refused to pay for music (because I could get it for free!), when I preferred to listen to the radio so I could be relatively up-to-date with new hits, and when I believed that in general, Providence was my DJ, and I would be satisfied with what I found. I would switch among several radio stations to avoid commercials, and I like most music, so I didn’t mind the difference from rock to pop to country to oldies. Often, it seemed that something about the songs I landed on had some relevant message (or its opposite) that was good for me to reflect on, or it would cause me to pray for some situation. It was good for me, too, to be sometimes disappointed with the options.
Here I am, a year and a half into my Spotify subscription, and now I have the expectation that I should always be satisfied with my music; I select most songs, skipping even my second and third favorites on the playlist. I have been trained not to be satisfied with less, and I pay more than just the subscription price by fostering a need for control.
Controlling the music we listen to is not inherently bad, and I don’t foresee myself canceling Spotify just yet. But the attitude these tiny arenas of control cultivate — the assumption that we have control over all the minute details of our lives — is something to be wary of. If we’re going to casually control so many details for our comfort and convenience, we need to very intentionally and actively develop a purer attitude of detachment and freedom in following the Spirit wherever it blows. Jesus once said, in concluding a parable, “The person who is trustworthy in very small matters is also trustworthy in great ones; and the person who is dishonest in very small matters is also dishonest in great ones” (Luke 16:10). The same concept extends to all the virtues, so if I find myself too attached to hearing only the music I want in the car, then I will also find myself too attached to things going my way in more significant situations of life. Rather than clinging to control, it is better to let the Lord lead. May we all see more clearly the little stations of control in our lives, be they radio dials or otherwise; and may we more intentionally relinquish that desire for control to God.