By Abby Betz, MSW,LSW
Youth First
As a school social worker, I have worked with students of all ages and in both public and private schools. One trend that I have found to be true (and dismaying) for the majority of students is their inability to verbalize what they like about themselves; most students lack the ability to talk about positive conditions of self-worth. I recently did an activity with second-grade students and asked them to think about things they liked about themselves or what character traits they possessed that were most desirable. Although this may be a tough concept for some students to grasp, most students were unable to name something about themselves they liked, with the exception of superficial or materialistic things, such as, “I am good at sports,” “I like my shirt” or “I like my hair.”
It became evident that most children may not receive constructive feedback in the form of positive conditions of self-worth from their parents, caregivers, family or friends. I found this to be saddening and wondered, “what can we do to teach our children to love themselves for reasons other than being athletic or beautiful/handsome?” As imperative as this is for parents and caregivers to understand and practice, it is equally important for school staff to work to instill these skills in our children as we spend a great deal of time with them every day.
Creating positive conditions of self-worth can be something that is introduced at a young age. By simply telling your child, “you are important,” this can be the catalyst to promoting positive self-worth as they grow older. By incorporating positive affirmations into your everyday life, children will begin to see and understand that they do matter, and that their caregivers and teachers see them as worthy of their time, love, and attention. Providing praise and encouragement for achievements and good behavior instead of focusing on the negative or end-result can also help improve your child’s sense of self. This is as important to practice at school as it is at home. Including your child in the decision-making process in your family (depending on the situation) can also help a child to feel empowered and important.
Fostering a positive-growth mindset in children is also important, and providing reassurance that their abilities improve over time can help with feelings of having to be perfect right now - all the time. Teaching children that making mistakes is okay, and turning these mistakes into “teachable moments,” are valuable learning opportunities for children to understand they have the power to solve problems and come up with solutions on their own.
Encouraging extracurricular interests or hobbies (although they may not be your preferred activity) is important to help your child discover their own strengths and weaknesses. Deciding what activity your child is going to participate in without their input will stifle their creativity and feelings of having some control over their own lives.
Creating positive conditions of self-worth is extremely vital to the development of children with learning and thinking differences as well. Giving children with all abilities the skills to recognize their strengths helps to boost self-worth and makes for a successful childhood and future. In the words of American abolitionist Frederick Douglass, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
Abby Betz, MSW,LSW, serves as Youth First social worker at Holy Trinity Catholic School in Dubois County and Washington Catholic School in Washington.