By Mary Ruth Branstetter, LCSW, LCAC, RPT, RPT-S
Advice from Youth First
Grief has no timeline. It is complex and can be messy, but there isn’t an end date for when a person is cured of their grief. This is the truth for both adults and children. The complexity of grief is a lot to untangle, even for a person with a fully functioning frontal lobe, so it should be expected for our tiniest humans that it can take longer and there are a lot of questions involved in their grieving process. As kids get older and realize the finalization of death it is not uncommon for them to have more questions. They might have work through the loss of a person they were close to again, with a more mature lens.
2020 and the years following have left grieving family members in their wake. With news of increased COVID-19 numbers, it wouldn’t be surprising for anxiety to be on the rise with people who have lost loved ones to COVID-19 or for them to reassess their feelings and process their grief again. Pandemics leave people with complicated grief. There are layers to work through, complicated by the societal changes that came with the pandemic as well. According to the National Library of Medicine, current research shows that grief caused by a loss due to COVID-19 leads to more acute grieving. The prolonged grieving process is compounded by the lack of social support and traditional ceremonies during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Acute grief and complicated grief may take the help of a professional to work through. If you or a loved one is struggling to work through loss, reaching out to your medical provider or a therapist could make the process more streamlined and help you work through emotions when you feel stuck. On top of seeking professional assistance, there are things you can do to help with working through grief.
One thing to remember is when a loved one is lost it is never expected to no longer grieve them, rather life grows around the missing piece. The important thing is that life continues to grow. Creating an environment where the person grieving feels comfortable talking about their feelings and validating those feelings is step one. There is never a time when we should say something like “you should be passed that by now,” instead give them space to share, ask them their favorite memory, ask them what they wish they could tell the person they’re missing.
Keeping routines is also important. It is easy to get lost in grief and sadness and put the rest of the world to the side. Helping someone stay within their routines will help them see they can continue to build a life around their loss. Providing outlets for their hurt can be beneficial as well. This can come in many forms and varies depending on the interest of the individual.
It is important to remember there is no right way to grieve. Children especially can be difficult to understand during their grieving cycles because they will cycle through their grief at different developmental stages (Mayo Clinic, 2022). Be consistent with your support and regulating your own emotions and you will be helping those around you navigate their loss.
Mary Ruth Branstetter, LCSW, LCAC, RPT, RPT-S, serves as a Youth First Social Worker at St. Joseph School in Vanderburgh County.