By Mary Fulkerson
Special to The Message
Natural Family Planning
Editor’s Note: Mary and Tom Fulkerson began working with the Holy Family Center for Life prior to marriage to learn how to naturally navigate their shared fertility. The road this would lead the couple down was not one they anticipated but has been a true journey in deepening their faith and trust in God. Below is their story, as told from Mary’s perspective.
Our Catholic faith is very central to Tom and me, and it has grown throughout our lives. I think it takes most kids time to really take their faith seriously, but once I did, I dove all in. I attended Reitz Memorial High School and was an active member of Youth Group and Pro-Life organizations. Tom grew up in a family of eight. They attended Mass together and prayed for and with each other frequently.
Tom and I met at the University of Southern Indiana’s Engineering Center and realized we belonged to the same church, St. John Parish in Daylight. From the beginning, Tom made me feel loved and able to be myself. We couldn’t believe how similar our interests were. It was a great comfort to know we both wanted the same things in life … a big family to grow and raise in the Catholic faith.
After we got married, we were filled with so much excitement to start our lives together. We are blessed to be married to each other every day. Everyone said not to worry about having children, “It will happen naturally in God’s time.” We both had been telling ourselves it would all work out but had not prepared ourselves for heartbreaking news. After numerous tests and doctor visits, we learned last year that we cannot naturally conceive children.
I was so confused and angry. I thought, “I’ve tried to be so good. Why did this have to happen to ME?” All these people who loved me were trying to comfort me and I greatly appreciated it … yet it left me so frustrated. The same gifts God was blessing them with were the same ones I was being denied. And most of all, they were gifts I was looking forward to most and for all my life.
Meeting people who have faced our same struggles slowly started opening my eyes to hope. Many amazing married couples who embraced adoption invited us into their homes to share their testimony and give us guidance. Talking to people who had faced our same reality began pulling me out of my self-focus.
We discovered our marriage patron saint for May 22 is St. Rita, saint of infertility and impossible and desperate cases. We continue to pray for her intercession. This has given us hope. We are still slowly researching medical solutions, but we know it will take a miracle if it is God’s Will.
After lots of prayer and discernment, we have decided to pursue adoption. Knowing I’ll never experience pregnancy continues to be an ever-present cross. Learning the realities of adoption has been shocking and somewhat disheartening. We are taking things one day at a time, and our family has been helping us focus on our blessings. They remind us of all the desires He has granted like our marriage, friends, family, home, health and all the blessings usually gone unnoticed.
Our hope is to adopt a baby in the USA. We have discerned this as our first step and are now home-study approved! We found a house in Evansville close to our loved ones. These steps will hopefully lead us to our God-intended children. We could also use your help.
We are asking anyone who feels called to please take our flyers or business cards to their church priest or pastor. If you happen to know any counselors, OBGYN professionals, hospital chaplains or hospital social workers please offer them a flyer as well. It directs people to our website to learn more about us and has contact information for our adoption agency, GLAD. If interested, please email me at [email protected] and you can find our website at https://www.maryandtomadopt.com/.
Please also pray for birth-moms discerning adoption. They are in a heartbreaking position as well, and without them, Tom and I wouldn’t have any hope of adopting a baby.
Mary and Tom Fulkerson are parishioners of St. John Parish in Daylight.