By Janet M. Dilger
Natural Family Planning
Over 20 years ago, our journey as an engaged couple into natural family planning began with obedience. I, as a young soon-to-be wife, had heard something about Natural Family Planning (NFP) being what Catholic couples are supposed to use to plan their families, and my dutiful fiancé came with me to the introductory session where we learned the basics of the reproductive cycle and charting. Neither of us really understood the journey on which we set out, but, in our obedience, many graces have been shared. While the openness to life of our faith centers around participating with the creator to bring a new person into the world, we have learned it bears fruit in other ways also. God is generous and abundant in his gifts.
The start of our journey began with identifying cycle irregularities for me. I’m not sure on which date couples start talking about the woman’s cycle, but it hadn’t really been a detailed topic in the previous five years of our relationship. My loving fiancé attended many follow-ups with me, and it was an eye-opener for both of us to chart months with no cycle. The gift of charting with Creighton is that, after only a couple of months, I was referred to a NaProtechnology-trained physician who diagnosed me with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). This knowledge of early diagnosis and awareness allowed me to take charge of my health, as well as open up a whole new conversation in our relationship. Being a college student, planning a wedding and working didn’t leave a lot of time to focus on health, but over the next several years, things began to look more “normal.” This invitation to be open to a new life has brought abundant blessings to me, in that the charting information has been invaluable, empowering me to be responsible for my health and in navigating the phases of reproductive life that women journey.
With the conversation around NFP, the impression can be that a couple can simply choose when to have a child or not. Instead, it is a process to learn to share our intentions, dreams, hopes, struggles that we have with each other so we can mutually discern God’s call for us right now. The beauty of Natural Family Planning is that it allows flexibility in making that discernment with each cycle. We are educated on days that may be fertile, and so it is not a complete surprise if pregnancy results from using those days. Our lived experience is that this invitation by the couple to God the Father to send the blessing of a child hasn’t been answered in ways our human understanding logically thinks. There were many months on our journey when working through health issues that we did not conceive. “Planned” often infers that we can “make” things happen, leaving God out of the equation. Our invitation as a couple is to also trust God. While we are doing the best we have with the information in front of us, we are opening the most intimate part of our relationship, the giving of our very selves — all we are, hope to be and our fertility — to the Holy Spirit. Jesus promised that if we remain with him, “my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete” (True Vine, John 15:11).
In the parable of the True Vine, Jesus also says, “Every branch that bears fruit he prunes to make it bear more fruit” (John 15:2). Openness to life is more than tackling the question of if or when to have children. The concept is woven throughout the wedding vows. “I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.” We navigated the joys of five healthy pregnancies and deliveries, the sorrow of miscarriage with our third child and entered the seventh pregnancy with hopeful expectation of knowing what we were doing. This seventh birth brought about a surprise diagnosis of Down syndrome and a new world of medical appointments and different expectations. Three years later, she was diagnosed with leukemia and had treatment at a hospital three hours away. All the communication and trust we had developed using NFP during our relationship was tested and tried, especially the first year when I, a home educating mother, was in patient with our daughter three hours away for almost five months the first year. Working full-time, my husband was managing the household and coordinating activities on top of the medical concerns. The solid foundation of being faithful to each other and the skills we had been using for so long bore much fruit in this time of pruning. We were able to trust and do the next thing that needed to be done. Those most trying times in our marriage have also been when I have been most aware of God’s grace and love; I had to absolutely depend upon God because I could do no action but pray.
Openness to life has meant being open to the path we have put before us. It is saying yes to all the vows we made on our wedding day. Openness is an act of our free will, done with love of our spouse and accepting of the children we are given. It has not been an easy journey, but we have been richly blessed with grace. That is the gift of the sacrament of matrimony, grace to be open to life together.
Janet M. Dilger is a FertilityCare Practitioner for Creighton Model with Holy Family Center for Life. She and her husband, Brandon, have six children, whom she homeschools. She also serves as a catechist for Catechesis of the Good Shepherd method.