By Kristine Schroeder
Lessons Learned
“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” – St. Teresa of Calcutta
In my 30s, I met a friend who appeared to have it all. A stay-at-home mom, her house rivaled those in Southern Living magazine. There was no need for her to work as her husband’s salary easily sufficed. To top it off, she was a genuinely generous, kind person. While I enjoyed her company, occasionally I found myself envious of her better fortune.
Eventually, my mindset changed. I realized my job as a teacher was an ideal career for me while raising four children. Teaching gave me a sense of purpose outside the home and allowed me to develop my interests in reading and other subjects. I also appreciated the extra stimulation. God understood my needs, and I became content both for her and myself.
“When Sisterhood Wounds Us,” a talk presented by Lisa Brenninkmeyer, spelled out effective behaviors we can practice to be a positive asset to the people in our lives. (Although the title implies women only, her suggestions work for all.)
To begin, Lisa suggested that we need to consider each person in his or her totality. She named this the Personalized Approach. Someone might be a bit brash when bringing up a sensitive subject or run 15 minutes late for most appointments. However, when viewing that person in her entirety, we can discern many positive attributes in spite of a few annoyances. Beholding a person with the mercy and grace that God bestows on us changes our criticism to an openness of spirit.
Once while at the post office, I encountered a beautiful young woman: her skin, her hair, her figure. Then she turned towards me. Numerous tattoos marred that beautiful visage. At first, I was taken aback and disappointed that she had chosen to obscure such natural beauty. My initial perception of her took a nosedive. However, a second thought occurred to me. There has been trauma somewhere in her life. In that moment, I realized we are not privy to the weight others carry in their lives. Compassion followed.
Currently, I am reading “Tattoos on the Heart” by Gregory Boyle, a Jesuit priest who spent 10 years working in Los Angeles, the gang capital of the world as he names it. He started Homeboys Industries in 1992. One of its many ministries is providing a free tattoo removal service. He concurs that the majority of people’s audacious tattoos are a direct result of trauma.
Striving to become more Christ-like requires a change of heart. Instead of envy, let’s celebrate other’s successes and gifts. My lifelong friend Theresa suffered myriad setbacks in her first 40 years of life: her parent’s divorce, her mother’s early death, major brain surgery, loss of hearing in one ear, an older sister’s death, her inability to have more than one child, and the list continues.
Yet, Theresa is the first person to applaud another’s good fortune. She not only celebrates but actively becomes part of the joy. I attribute that generosity of spirit to her deep-seated faith and gratitude for all God has given her. She refuses to dwell on what she does not have. Myself and many others have benefitted much from her example.
Joy can be easy to share. But how do we respond when we encounter people in pain? For many that is a daunting task. What do we say? What should we do? I believe God allows all of us to experience suffering ourselves to better equip us when our fellow man needs support.
I once heard that suffering makes us better or bitter. Hopefully, our own woes serve as instruction on how to be more empathic and sympathetic with others in their brokenness.
Everyone needs a safe place to be vulnerable. Being a comforter requires practical service as well as emotional support. Bringing a meal and/or listening without judgment or suggestions are two possible means of assistance.
Finally, St. Paul says, “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious … if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” May this gracious sentiment guide us in all our encounters with others. Amen.