By Kristine Schroeder
I am a people watcher, particularly parents and children. Thirty-five years of teaching definitely contributed to that habit as teachers deal with the results of parenting on a direct basis. Recently, my husband and I were fortunate enough to experience our first cruise. It was delightful in a multitude of ways. We enjoyed breathtaking scenery, enjoyable entertainment, and meeting a plethora of people from many places. One of the onboard observations that continually intrigued me was the interaction between children and their parents.
It was interesting to discern which parents were in charge in the families and which children were. Those observations reminded me of the power of No. As a child, I knew who was the authority in my family, and it definitely was not me or my siblings. My parents disciplined us. While that did not infer that we were perfect children (at least my siblings weren’t), it did imply that my parents were the ones we answered to and not vice versa.
Discipline is a word that seems to have a negative connotation in our society. Maybe that is because people conjure up visions of yelling, spanking or other harmful behaviors. But Webster defines discipline as “training expected to produce a specific type or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.” After listening to reports about the basic mental health of our nation or the random acts of violence that are occurring with increasing frequency in our society, I believe our nation is desperate for discipline.
Positive discipline is a key ingredient for everyone in leading a happy, successful life, and that discipline needs to begin in early childhood. Children, first, need to understand that they are unconditionally loved similar to God’s love for us. Then, in a close second, children need discipline. This begins with the firm word No used with much frequency. At some point in our modern society, we parents have become confused between meeting children’s needs and giving in to their every want. There is a vast difference, and children are happier when their parents can correctly distinguish between the two options.
In Paul’s letter to the Hebrews, he states, “My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord; for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines” (Hebrews 5:6). That would be a perfect mantra for the modern parent. It would require an entire chapter to discuss the aspects of positive discipline, but suffice it to say that parents (and grandparents) need to consider Webster’s definition and ask themselves, “Will allowing my child to behave this way or have this item improve either his mental or moral self?”
Many parents are convinced that loving a child equates to overindulging a child, thereby creating a happy child. It isn’t working. In fact, this overindulgence and passivity of parenting are having the opposite effect. Children learn material possessions and doing as they please are the collective path to happiness. Jesus’ message for our lives is the opposite. He preaches that we are to be servants to others. How can we teach our children to serve if we instead teach them that the world owes them their happiness?
Study after study has shown that true contentment is derived when we focus outward instead of inward. Children can develop this discipline of character in two ways. First, their basic needs (love, security, food and shelter) must be fulfilled. Children then need positive parental discipline and routine (a type of discipline also).
Discipline requires effort and constancy (which in itself is a form of discipline). As parents, we are expected to honestly monitor our children’s behavior, not condoning or covering up their misbehavior. Children should be held accountable for their actions, while also being taught the expected appropriate behavior. As parents, we need to focus on God’s instructions and not societal pressure. That daily task requires discipline and modeling on our part!
However, if we are willing to follow the narrow path (we will all falter at times), we will reap the benefits promised in Hebrews: “At the time, all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain, yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it” (Hebrews 5:6). Amen!