By Emily Martin, BTh, FCP, FEMM Instructor
Natural Family Planning
Jake and Melissa Titzer are parishioners at St John Parish in Daylight. They have been married for four years and have two daughters.
When did you come to an awareness/knowledge of the Church’s teaching on openness to life and Natural Family Planning? How did it become a desire to learn more about this for your life?
Melissa: I became aware of NFP during my senior year of college through a conversation with a good friend. I cannot recall how the conversation started, but I remember feeling convicted to find a doctor who would seek answers with me regarding long-term symptoms. Through working with the Holy Family Center for Life, I began learning the Creighton Model as a single, college-aged woman. I began to heal physically, after identifying irregularities within my cycle, and the “free, faithful, total and fruitful” love I had learned about through my catechesis began to really make sense to me.
Jake: I suppose I had someidea of what it meant back in my high school years, but it wasn’t until college and beyond that I fully came to an awareness of NFP and why the Church takes the stance that it does. Learning more about NFP and the Church’s stance on life was a natural outcome of my pursuit to understand more about the faith.
When did NFP become a part of your desire within marriage?
Melissa: Since I learned the Creighton Method as a single woman, who had not yet been in a romantic relationship, I knew that I had been given a gift. My Catholic understanding of intimacy within a relationship was further reinforced through learning the Creighton Method, and since I knew how to chart and had seen results with my own symptoms and cycles, I assumed I would be the one introducing it within future dating relationships as we discerned marriage. I made a point to talk about NFP early on while dating my now-husband, Jake. As I continued charting, my symptoms provided evidence of endometriosis which led me to have laparoscopic surgery after getting engaged. Walking through that with my fiancé solidified our mutual desire to continue using the Creighton Method once we married.
How have the Church’s teachings on marriage and openness to life appealed to you over the years?
Jake: As one comes to better understand the teaching, it becomes exceedingly attractive. Early on, I may have incorrectly perceived it as unnecessarily restrictive or thought, “What’s the big deal?”, but now I don’t see any other way to live out this aspect of our lives except by the guidance of the Church.
What have been the biggest benefits to practicing NFP?
Melissa: Practicing NFP encourages Jake and me to have a continuous conversation about our desires for our family. We communicate openly and comfortably about my cycles, and it also helps us trust more deeply in God’s plan for our family. Ultimately, He is the one whose plan will be carried out: our use of NFP allows us to discern and deepen our love for one another while also keeping our hearts open to life and all the children God desires to give us.
What were/are the biggest challenges?
Melissa: For me, the biggest challenge is navigating the postpartum phase. Pregnancy is such a long period of time to go without charting, and it’s a relief to have a break from it. However, once the baby arrives and charting becomes necessary again, my fertile signs are usually unclear while breastfeeding. I begin to doubt myself and fear “messing up” when I am in such a tender time caring for an infant. Thankfully, my husband reminds me that we are in this discernment together: there is no such thing as “messing up,” and the unclear signs I experience give us opportunities to show our love in other ways.
How would you describe this teaching of our Church to those who are most skeptical or indifferent to it?
Jake: We are co-creators; we cannot defy this gift. To go against it is to throw away a great privilege we are given. It speaks to our humanity as well; we are rational beings who are capable of controlling our impulses. We don’t need externalities to control it for us.
What are you most grateful for in regards to this particular teaching of our Church?
Melissa: I am grateful for this teaching because it is both unitive and procreative. Ever since learning the Creighton Method, I have been able to work with my body rather than against it; I now see my cycles as a truly good and beautiful part of my body. I recognize that in giving myself to Jake, I am also giving myself to God, giving my own fiat. Following this teaching asks me to let go of my tendency to control and grasp, and instead, trust and receive.
Jake: It protects your soul. You come to better understand your spouse as a co-equal, you understand the true purpose of intercourse, and it helps you focus on other areas of marriage, most importantly, getting each other to heaven.
Emily Martin, BTh, FCP, FEMM Instructor, is a FertilityCare Practitioner for Creighton Model with Holy Family Center for Life. She and her husband have two children.