By Sandra Bazaldua
Because I am Catholic!
If someone had told me when I was a teenager that, at 40, I would be a devout Catholic — and happy to be one — I probably would have been surprised. I grew up with a Catholic mother, but only “by tradition,” the kind who teaches you to make the sign of the cross, the first prayers and how to pray the rosary, but doesn’t go to Mass very often. In my house, there were crucifixes, images and statues, yes, but faith wasn’t a topic of conversation or part of our daily life. It was more of a duty or a tradition passed down from generation to generation, without delving into the meaning of the word or the reasons behind the actions.
However, in my youth I had what we could call an “Encounter with Christ.” That wonderful experience shook my teenage life; it was like a living fire. I joined a prayer group, the parish choir and various apostolates. I must admit that I had more enthusiasm than understanding, so after three years the flame began to fade. Now I can look back and understand that I lacked guidance, support and encouragement, since my family didn’t quite understand me and didn’t see this motivation as a form of personal growth.
As time went on, studies, work, the rush of daily life and responsibilities took over, and my faith took a back seat. It didn’t disappear, but it went into silent mode. I still believed, but without delving too deeply. It was like having a favorite book tucked away in a drawer: you know it’s there, but you hardly ever open it.
Until I truly grew up. In my mid-30s, with more stability, more resources and more questions, I began to look at my faith with new eyes. I was no longer looking for “warm fuzzy feelings;” I was seeking understanding. I started reading, studying and questioning. I discovered that Catholicism is so much more than rituals and customs: it’s a way of life, a way of understanding humanity, an impressive intellectual tradition and a global community that shares a common hope.
Today I am still Catholic, but for very different reasons than in my youth. I remain so because I now have the space — literally and emotionally — to be part of a church community. I remain Catholic because I find peace in the sacraments and meaning in the teachings. Because I no longer chase after the emotion of the moment, but rather the depth that stays with you every day, even when nothing extraordinary is happening.
And I also remain Catholic out of gratitude. For that seed, however small, that my mother planted. For that initial encounter that changed my path. For the people I have met along this journey and for the certainty that faith, lived with simplicity and reflection, can sustain you on good days and bad.
I don’t have all the answers, but I am certain that this is where I belong. And although it took me years to get here, today I can say with peace of mind that I am Catholic … and that I am so because I chose it, not because it was simply my fate.
Sandra Bazaldua serves as Hispanic Ministry coordinator at Holy Rosary Parish in Evansville.