By Kristine Schroeder
Lessons Learned
Recently, I got caught up in a daylong text thread that quickly became vitriolic. Bitter emotions, half-truths or non-truths, and virtual pointed fingers flew like arrows in a cowboy-and-Indian battle. While answering a few questions, I basically remained on the sidelines. However, in my righteous anger, I had been drawn into the fray. It led to a fractious day.
Later that evening, I realized two things. First, most of us, while denying it on a conscious level, revel in the feeling of being wronged. It enables us to feel superior to those attacking us. Second, and probably more importantly, I now understand what our children deal with on a daily basis. Without emotional maturity and a wealth of life experiences, such technological drama is overwhelming.
After much prayer, I discerned that my best move was to privately ask the author of the text to delete me from the thread. Doing so allowed me instant peace. While the devil encourages our sinful curiosity to relish the tidbits of gossip that are shared in such conversations, God desires that we remove ourselves from these temptations.
Jesus said, “A good person out of the store of goodness in his heart produces good, but an evil person out of a store of evil produces evil; for from the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45). Sirach adds, “When a sieve is shaken, the husks appear; so do one’s faults when one speaks.” During his homily at a recent Mass, the priest asked, “What is the most useful part of your body?” After a plethora of incorrect answers, he stated, “Your tongue.” He then asked, “What is the most harmful part of your body?” The same answer was given.
Words are powerful. They can be used to encourage the people and community around us, or just as easily to wreak havoc and dissent on those in the range of fire. We have all been victims of unkind speech. Perhaps, as children, we had a verbally abusive parent(s) – an experience, I have read, can be more difficult to overcome than physical abuse. We may have had an employer or even a friend who spoke to us or about us in hurtful words. On the other hand, it is doubtful that any of us have not also been on the speaking end of caustic words.
How do we handle the first situation? Do we immediately retaliate with equally volatile words? Or do we pause, consider the source and choose words that may deescalate the situation, or not respond at all? When we are the culprit, do we seek forgiveness and apologize for angry words spoken in haste, or do we rationalize our behavior and excuse our harmful language?
In the Letter of St. James, he states, “If anyone does not fall short in speech, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body also” (3:2). He goes on to compare this idea to putting a bit into a horse’s mouth to guide its whole body. As Sirach aptly said, “One’s speech discloses the bent of one’s mind” (27: 6).
Our words define us. They tell the truth about who we are and the hearts we possess. Every day presents us with a multitude of experiences to see our surroundings with eyes that are either positive or negative, and to speak to the people we encounter in a similar fashion.
That has been the way of the world forever. There are people who usually find something positive to say, and those who find fault with most everyone they encounter. St. James warned, “The tongue is also a fire. It exists among our members as a world of malice, defiling the whole body and setting the entire course of our lives on fire” (3:5).
The devil desires us to fall into the trap of negativity – first in our thoughts and then in our words. We must fight this impulse daily with personal awareness and prayer. We cannot win this battle without God’s graces.
The priest mentioned earlier ended his homily with this quote, “Smart people know what to say. Wise people know whether to say it.” I am working on being wise.